Smile4me-4ever...
LiveWell, Love Much, Laugh Often and Smile 4 ever
"My son, when you were born, you brought me happiness, as you grew, you made me laugh and brought me joy, now as you become a man, you make me proud!"
Jason's Photo Gallery (click here)
Jason is my son. He entered my life on July 17th, 1991. One of the most memorable days of my life. I never thought I would have kids and wasn't sure if I was ready. When he arrived in my life, he made me feel things I have never thought possible to feel. He was a piece of me. Something I truly created. Not alone of course, but this is my story LOL I don't forget it takes 2, but I can tell you many times throughout my life, I didn't feel the 2. Jason and I spent alot of time together. We sat and played, watched movies together, over and over again. Jason was young during the "Barney" age. I laugh about it now, but his love for Barney was big but so was mine. We used to watch it together and laugh and sing. The tune rang in my head on many unwanted occassions. LOL However, it is a very good memory for me, so as corny as it sounds, it still makes me smile. At this age, it makes Jason tell me to shut up LOL Teenagers, ugh what are you going to do with them LOL "A boy's best friend is his mother." “Don't wait to make your son a great man - make him a great boy” "A mother's love for her child is like nothing else in the world. It knows no law, no pity, it dares all things and crushes down remorselessly all that stands in its path."
For awhile after our divorce Jason and I were a wonderful team. There were struggling times for us. I had to support us both, something I hadn't done. We were on our own, owned our own home, but time away from him was very hard. He spent alot of time with my father, which was great, but different then we were used to. I would pick Jas up from my Dad's after work. We struggled a bit, he seemed angry with me more often. Part of it was that his Dad and I still argued alot. His father felt necessary to put me down all the time. I was working very hard to keep up afloat and it was emotionally draining with that added pressure from him. We seemed to be getting better and I started dating. That seemed to be okay, I think Jas was excited to meet new people. Until, I met Duane. Duane and I moved very quickly. We met, talked and he moved in within a few weeks of knowing one another. It was not what I had planned, it was just how it happened. I was torn between my feelings for Duane. They were intense. I felt like I met the man of my dreams. He is far from perfect, but he made me feel complete for the first time in my life. So, Jason was put in a situation he had no control over, which even as a child, my son had his right to his opinion in whatever I did. I always made him a part of my life and my life's decisions. Some may disagree with that, Duane included, however I have always been open with him and always will be. Your children need to understand life and to me by allowing him to see how I handle things and the decisions that I make will eventually help him to make good decisions. Anyways, after Duane moved in. Jason I think felt backseated. I think he looked at Duane as a threat. He was not going to come in this house and take over the man's role. That was Jason's role. I explained this to Duane and we worked together to allow Jason to still feel somewhat of the man. There were many tough times. Jason challenged me every chance he could, him and Duane butted heads alot. Duane had lost his job, so he took care of Jason for awhile after school. They fought alot. Duane was ready to give up, because it was very clear Jason was not happy. Finally, they had it out and ended up having a good conversation. Through that, they formed a relationship. Not perfect by any means but a lot better then it had been. Eventually, they both realized how much they had in common. Then, it all worked out. I was then coming home to see them racing Nascar on PS. Was a very happy day for me. I don't know all of what was said, but I felt in my heart, they both did it because they loved me. Now, Jason and Duane have a great relationship, not that they don't get pissy with eachother occasionally, but Jas goes to Duane with questions and looking for advice sometimes before me LOL Jason has a great heart, so I knew deep down he would eventually come around. He's strong and stubborn in his beliefs, but I have always looked at that as a positive thing. I hope he realizes how much that means to me, I am so proud of him, words can never describe how proud I am of him. "It is truly a gift to have a son like you who grows more precious with the years!" Of all the rights of women, the greatest is to be a mother. A man loves his sweetheart the most,
Jason and I when he was younger used to go on dates. Mom and son dates. It started when I needed to get out of the house, or just to get away from a mood LOL I would look at Jas and say, "Hey you wanna go on a date?" and I would laugh. First time, he said "Mom, I can't go on a date with you, your my Mom." I would laugh and say "of course you can, I'm your Mom, we can go to dinner together, or go for a ride can't we, just you and me." He said Yes and I said "Okay then do you wanna go on a date?" We would most of the time just go for a ride, sing songs on the radio or we would dream together. I used to say "You know what I would do if I won a Million Dollars?" I would give a different scenerio each time LOL He would add in his wants and needs and things he wants to do. I have to tell you, we still do that. In fact, Jason just had one the other day and I can't remember all of the things but they are truly meaningful. He buys me my dream car, a dream house, next to his ( I think his is bigger LOL but were close). He always mentions things he knows Duane and Chris would have and his Ma, etc. Never forgets anyone. Well, this time I was taken back because he really was spreading the wealth. Jason 'pimped out' his high school auto shop class. He loves his auto shop teacher and he adores working on cars. Cars in general turn him on. I just thought, how thoughtful to consider him in a funny lil dream thing we do. I smiled real big for that one :-)
Jason and I shared alot of one on one time together before our divorce. We, I feel were very close. We talked about everything. Jason has always been around adults. He had no other siblings and was the only grandson on both sides for along time. There were few kids in neighborhood, so he interacted with primarily adults. I didn't work, we were together all day everyday. He relied on me and I think at times I relied on him. He was all I really had alot of times. I used to push so to speak for him to be apart of things his father was doing. I also made him feel like he was the man in the house. When we divorced Jason took that role very seriously. He really took care of things. The first night out on our own, in our new place. There was a terrible storm. Let me tell you, Jason was scared to death of storms. We were at my Moms and went home to a home with no electricity. I said "well, let's go back to Ma's". He said "No, we have lots of candles." I smiled and said "okay" We got the candles lit and we just hung out a bit. I asked him, if he would feel better about sleeping in my room. He said No, he would be okay. I cried myself to sleep that night. He truly amazed me. When his father left home until our new move, Jas slept with me. I wasn't sure if it was fear to be alone or a way of protecting me. When he slept in his bed that first night in our new place. I was shocked, I figured he would be scared or maybe I would be, but maybe he didn't feel he needed to protect me anymore. Ugh, it was huge for me :-) I did learn to smile about it afterwards but it did crush me that he didn't need to.
So, Duane and Jason find there way with eachother. We now have a chance to bring Duane's son Chris to live with us. We are living in a 2 bedroom singlewide. Jason, the only child in our family, now has to be told that Chris is coming to live with us. Jason and Chris through visitation have yet to form a relationship. Both almost same age, should of been friends from the start. Nope, they weren't having it. So we tell the news to Jason, I explain to him, that this is a big adjustment. He wants to know if he has to share his room. Yes, you are going to have to, but I will give you guys time to make this move. Chris can sleep on the couch for a short time til you guys get your situation worked out so that he can have half your room. It was the only solution I had, I didn't want to push the issue and have everyones feelings crushed. This was a decision us adults made and it's our job to make it most comfortable for both kids. The weekend we went to get Chris and his belongings, Jason said he cleaned out half his closet and that Chris could move right in that day. I didn't know what to think, but I was proud and overjoyed at how grown up he was and how much he was going to have to sacrifice. It was a huge thing for me. I know how hard that was for Jason to do those things. Shows what a caring, unselfish person he really is, sometimes Jason comes across differently. Truly he has his mother's heart and peoples smiles are important to him too. God, I love this child!!! Always making his Mom proud! Things went well for the most part. You know you can't put 2 10 yr old boys together in a room with no problems LOL But we handled them together as a family, I think that was the hardest thing for them both. Realizing they were family now. Both coming from a 'broken family' this was probably not something they could even attempt to believe in, Duane and I, believed in it with all our hearts. We were family the day he moved in with us and we are still that family today!
So, Jason now a Junior in High School. He's grown up so fast. People used to tell me, spend as much time as you can with your children, they grow up so fast. I used to laugh and think to myself, how fast can they really grow? I sure know the answer to that, and now I tell people the same thing LOL Jason is an outgoing kid, he's got a great sense of self, he's got a wonderful sense of humor, with just enough sarcasm to get his point across LOL He truly has alot of my qualities, but he's got some of his father's too. So Jason and I butt heads alot when we are trying to make a point LOL Jason picks his friends wisely, he has never had 'alot' of friends, but the ones he has had have been good. He's never had to rely on friends to make him happy, so he lives his life with his rules so to speak. Doesn't deal with peer pressure, I would have to say, he would be the one more to peer pressure someone else. He's always made great decisions. He thinks before he does things. He does fairly well in school. Struggled at times but since high school, he has really done well. I am very proud of him as a person, I think he has so many wonderful qualities. He is a very strong person, physically and emotionally. His nick name at school is 'smiley'. Which is funny because I have been called that all my life. He always smiles. In fact, he even smiles when he's nervous. I had a problem with a teacher one time about that, he did something wrong and when she was hollering at him, he was smiling. When I explained it to her, she said, why didn't I realize that, he smiles all the time LOL He's a happy person most of the time, but piss him off, look out! He will fight you til the end, verbally, as Duane calls it 'debating'. I don't call it debating, I call it standing up for youself and your opinion. I will never change that, I think it's a wonderful quality. If you don't stand up for yourself, who is going to? Don't have to worry about that one with Jason. He will stand up for himself or whoever, if he believes in something.
his wife the best,
but his mother the longest.
I look for wonderful things to happen to Jason. He has another full year of high school before he graduates. He is really interested in cars and working on them. He took up auto shop this year and has it again next year. His desire is to work on cars for a living. My poor Dad won't be to happy LOL He was a mechanic for years, he would prefered Jas to take up engineer of cars or something else but I know he will be proud that Jason has his love for cars as my Dad did. Whatever his job, I know Jason will be successful. He's got a good attitude and I think when he gets his first job he will realize alot. I really have no big worries. My biggest worry is him getting his heart broken. Jason hasn't dated much, no desire, he enjoys his life, not being tied down, free to do what he wants. He had a girlfriend, but really didn't spend as much time with her as he should of, I worried about it, but 'he's busy' to busy to see her everyday or talk to her everyday. Part of me thought, YES! and another part felt sad, that he didn't. Anyways, I worry but I have faith, that the right girl may make him a bit softer LOL Either way, no matter if he ever finds love, I know he will find happiness is something. I should be excited, my biggest worry for my kids was that they would get a girlfriend and get married right out of high school. So, I don't have to worry about that just yet, so all is good. I hope for grand kids down the road but I can wait LOL Jason has a great head on his shoulders and I just hope he follows his dreams, remember what he believes in, and always does what makes him happy. I don't know how my life will be when he moves out and really becomes a man. The thought of it makes my eyes well up with tears and my heart feel empty. I am not sure why, I know Jason will always be a part of my life and I know we will always have a wonderful relationship. Just a mother's love I suppose. He's my little man and it doesn't matter that he's over 6ft tall already, he will always be my little man!! I Love you Jason!
Jason's Accident
Jason's Car Accident
The day was Saturday, January 24th. My day was set, I had to work and the family was coming to celebrate Chris's 18th birthday. My Mom, Sister, Tom, Maria, Tommy and the girls, Jason, Jammie, Chris, Duane and myself were set to start our party at 5:30ish. I get home, start slicing carrots into the salad and my cell phone rings. I had just cut my finger and looked down to see a number I didn't recognize. I wasn't going to answer it, but for many reasons I have to. So I pick up the phone.
Hello, this is Tammy. I hear a lady say "Tammy" I answered "Yes" She said "I am calling for Jason" I said "Excuse me?" I wasn't sure if I heard her correctly and that mean she was with my son, that's not usually a good thing. She responded "I am here with Jason and he has been involved in a car accident, but he's okay" I said "Are you kidding me, he's okay thought, he's not hurt? I am on my way!" She then said "Yes, he is okay, has a bump on his head but he's standing right here, he asked me to call you. We are right outside of your community, he was turning in to come home" I said "Okay, tell him I am on my way, leaving out the door now" she said "Tammy" I said "Yes". She then said "He is okay and the ambulance is here so he's okay, I'll tell him your on your way" I said "Thank you so much". I don't think I will forget that phone call for along time. I did get to meet the nice lady and thank her, but I never got her name :( She was a big help for both of us :)
So, I pull up. I see a fire truck, 2 ambulances and several police men. Traffic was stopped both ways. I could feel my heart beating out of my chest, it was just a blurr for several moments. I needed to get across that street. I was in my jammie short pants, I had a coat on but I was way under dressed for the weather. LOL Duane who can't be out in the weather much at all, esp when it's that cold. Had to wait in the van, I told him I would call him over if I needed him but he had to stay warm. Duane pointed Jason out to me and I ran across the street. I ran up to Jason, immediately he said "Mom, I am okay just my head hit the rear window" I said "Your okay, you bleeding?" He showed me his blood covered hand. He then teared up a bit and I gave him a hug "Your ganna be okay" I said. He said "My truck is f'd, it's done" I said, "It may be but just remember your alright, that's what's important" He said, "Yeah, I know, but it is f'd up" He then went on to explain to me the damage and yes, it's f'd up.
After our brief talk, I realize that we are standing next to the other car. In fact, when I first got to Jason, I seen other people standing there. 2 babies, one from the accident and one from a witness. I asked if all was okay and other then minor injuries they too were okay. The baby was unharmed, just scared. Anyways, I was looking at the damage this other car had. Jason's truck which sat up a bit due to bigger tires (that he just bought friday, the day before this accident. almost 400 bucks for 2, added to Jason's pain.) so the truck sitting up caused most of the damage to the axle and bed of the truck. This car which seemed like a talon, mitsubishi type car, low was totalled in front, windshield cracked, it was mangled. So looking at all of this, gosh, there could of been fatalities on both ends. They could of went into oncoming traffic, it could of been a mess. As I am thinking that, up walks the officer to talk to the driver of this car.
The officer says, "can I have your license and registration". The guy says, "Well, I just got the car today. The plates on the car are the previous owners. I don't have insurance on it yet." The officer then responds, "Can I see your driver's license" The guy says, "Officer, I don't have a driver's license" He says to him "You don't have it on you?" The guy says, "No, I am not suppose to be driving." I said, "You got to be fuckin kidding me!!!!" The officer then raises his hand to hush me and another officer then starts talking to us and I didn't get to hear more or say more. Prolly a good thing! LOL!
So at this point, the officer gives Jas his ID stuff back and sends him over to the ambulance to get checked out. This whole time, noone knows where or what has happened. I kept worrying that they are going to get to our house and not know where we are or what happened. I also figured they could be stuck in this traffic. I was worried Jas was going to have to go to hospital, all that good stuff. I knew he wasn't dire but he may need to be seen to make sure. We have a birthday party, how can this be happening. He gets into an accident, he's hurt, his truck is toast, his brother's birthday is about to start and here we are with Jason. He mention to many people, I think all he met, that he's suppose to be eating cake, not dealing with this bullshit.
So they determine that Jas needs to have X'rays as a precautionary thing. He didn't want to go in the ambulance, he asked if I could take him myself. They said yes, but made sure I was going to do that and how important it was that he be seen. I had no problem with that, not what any of us 'wanted' to do but was what had to be done. I really thought he would of wanted them to take him over for a few. That's kind of 'exciting' esp when your not really hurt LOL Just thought it would be something Jas might wanna do LOL Maybe he would of but really he just wanted to go home and poo LOL He said at one pt something about pooping your pants when you get into a car accident. Thank God he didn't do that LOL
So, we head over to the hospital. It was myself, Jas and Mom. I really wanted her to go with me. Mostly for my own reasons. My Mom has always shared these times with me and I know Jas wants her there too. So we walk in the hospital, I go up to the counter and tell the lady. My son was involved in a car accident, he was seen by an EMS tech and they advised he come to hospital. He also told me to tell you, he was hit from behind at 45 m.p.h. As I went to point to Jas, he wasn't there. Then I realized, there's vending machines!!! Oh Jesus, him and vending machines. So I said to the lady, I am sorry, he's really not hurt bad as you can see, he just loves vending machines LOL So here comes Jason around the corner with my Mom. Holds up a milky way, smiles real big and says "I just wanted to make sure you guys really knew I was okay. My regular ole self " so we all laughed, then we went back to the ER.
So, the lady asks Jason what happened. He takes a deep breathe and says, (ganna try to be as close to what he said as I can) "Well, I was stopped outside the community that I live in. Waiting to turn. I look up in my rear view mirror and I say to myself, 'is he going to stop?' Nope, he's not ganna stop as he slammed into me 45 m.p.h. I had my turn signal on, my foot on the brake and I just held on. When he hit me, I went way forward, then came back, my seat busted and my head went through the back window. I have a 95 chevy s-10 4x4 EXTENDED cab pick up and my head went through the back window he hit me so hard. At least I think that's what happened. I have a gash in the back of my head and my back window was knocked out and I remember glass flying. So that's what happened. Now my truck is gone, just done. Christine is gone! (he named her that) This is my 3rd time getting hit, none my fault. I just got this truck Dec. 4th. Got into my first accident Dec. 11th. Got backed into Dec. 22nd. Now Jan. 24th it's gone, I've only had it that long and been hit 3 times. My mom told me it happens in 3's, but I had 2 accidents and my dad had one, so I thought that was my 3. No I guess not, this one is my 3 and now it's over. This was the story he told every person he seen. A few adlibs here and there, many more commical moments.
So, he told all this to....the first lady, the one who takes his insurance information, then to the next lady who took his temp and blood pressure. Then to the attending nurse and then to the doctor. I don't think I have laughed so much in a very long time. He was so comical, had good spirits even though his heart was broken. That's my boy!! I was so proud of him and how he took all of this. He asked himself alot of questions about what he could of done differently, he realized he did everything he could possibly do and he did it right. He realizes how bad this could of gotten, he realizes that it is just a truck. Even though he loved it, it was his first one and it's gone. I think he realized alot that night. Good things, things that make a mother proud and things that help remind you he's ganna be okay. God I just love that kid! So here are a few moments that will forever ring in my head, you may of had to been there to appreciate them, but they were fun for us.
The nurse had come in to check his blood pressure and temp. He had no temp and his blood pressure was a little elivated but not alarmingly after what he had been through. So the nurse tells me that and Jason says, "WoW, my blood pressures high, I can't imagine why??? Oh I know, maybe because I just got hit by a jerk who totaled my truck. Yeah, I think my blood pressure should be high!" You have to know Jason to appreciate how funny that really is, he comes up with some crazy shit but it's how he says it that's so f unny. Very animated! LOL!
So this lady gets all done and she says okay it will be a few minutes then they will take you to a room so you can see the dr. She leaves and Jason gets out his milky way and starts eating it. The lady who took his ID comes back in with a surprised look and says "Oh NO! Your not eating are you?" Jason looks at here with a dumb founded look on his face and says "What now I can't eat??" I said, "Is he not suppose to eat?" She says, "No, no, not until we make sure nothing is wrong." Jas starts folding up his candy bar and says "Wow, this sucks. I can't eat, my truck is totalled cuz someoneeeee hit me!! I am suppose to be at home having my brothers 18th!! Birthday party and I am suppose to be eating cake!!" We all laughed again and Jas felt the pain LOL
We get taken to where he will be seen by the Dr. and they lay the bed totally flat. She says to Jason " I need you to lay down til the doctor see's you" He said, pointing to the bed, "Just like that, flat?" She said "Yes, please" He says, "Okay, guess I can't even sit up now!, this sucks, etc....." another little run down of today's events LOL Positive humor for a very bad day, it was good for all of us. Showed his appreciation for what really matters, just making the best of his disadvantage LOL
So, here Jas is laying face up looking at the ceiling. I don't think he stopped very often to take a breathe. So for a moment he was quiet, just as a the attending nurse came in to say hello and get him settled til the Dr sees him. She walks in says, "Hi Jason" Jason laying flat on the bed, lifts his neck braced face straight up and looks at her and says "Hi" She says, "Oh Noooo, don't do that" as she giggles running towards his bed. She places her hand on his forhead and guides his head back flat. He said "What did I do, now I can't say HI???" She said you need to keep your head flat, were not sure if you have any injuries yet. Jason says, "Well, if my neck was injured would I have been able to lift it to look at you?" She laughed and said next time someone comes in, just say Hi, don't look at them. Jas says, "Oh, okay then" We all laughed and waited for the doctor.
Doctor comes in, takes Jas down for Xrays, we wait and they return. Dr says "he is fine, just watch for signs. Anything unusual, like the way he talks, headaches, pains....you know, if he acts goofy, well goofier then he already is" as he laughted. Jas says, "Oh yeah that was real nice" something like that, but it was pretty funny.
So now the Dr is going to look at the gash in the back of his head. He get's it all cleaned up, I held the bucket to his neck as the Dr rinsed. I was watching the Dr and Jas's head and must of pulled the bucket a way a bit cuz Jas let out a bit of a Ahhh..LOL So he gets it all clean, explains to Jas he's ganna numb it but the shot hurts, just wants to make sure he understands. Jas says, just staple it, no shot. The Dr says, you don't want me to numb it. Jas says no, just get it done, tell me when it's ganna happen and just do it. So the Dr gets the stapler out and gets ready to put it to his head and Jas looks at him and says. "Do you think you can hold on just a minute, I need to use the bathroom" The Dr looked at him like are you f'n serious and then says "Are you serious? Can you wait just a sec, it will be done in just a minute." Jas says, "Okay, yeah, then just do it cuz I gotta go" So, he staples it, looks at it. Looks at me and says, what ya think Mom, one more. I said, Yep I think so right there and he asked Jas you okay for one more. He says, "Yeah, just get it done" He gets done and Jas goes to the bathroom.
I think everyone in that triage heard Jason's story, probably several times. Although what happened, happened. It really was a day to remember, for both good and bad reasons. Jason is okay, as of today, he's just a bit sore. He has meds, if they get bad. The Dr said a day or two, so time will tell. It's a horrible situation, we just had plpd on the truck. The driver of the car has no insurance, no license and no known address, he's staying in between friends. So he's homeless basically. I am thankful to God up above or maybe his guardian angel for keeping him safe, I don't know who to thank but I am thankful as hell it turned out the way it did, he's safe that'a all that ever matters. We will deal with the rest as we can.
We got home, ate dinner and had our cake for Chrissy's birthday and it all was good. We had fun and were all much more thankful then maybe we would of been had this not have happened. Christine's future is undetermined at this time, we believe she has found her final resting place but we will know more on Monday. She may be going to S-10 heaven with some brand new treds, couple of good O2 sensors, some rear end damage, I just hope all the good memories of it won't be gone with it. Jas had it for a couple months and at an anger moment he wanted to delete all the pics off his cell, I just hope he don't erase to much :-) May the smiles that truck brought him never fade away, just get replaces by something new to smile about!!!
This was Jason's vehicle a 95 Chevy S-10 Extended Cab 4X4. The car hit him from behind at approx 45m.p.h. The car hit mostly the underneath, damaging the axle, the frame and pushing the cab of the truck and buckling it on the side. Brand new tires on the back :(. Thank God Jason was okay and I believe so were the passengers of the other vehicle. Minor injuries I believe. The car that hit him is below.
This is the car that hit him. I believe it is a plymouth laser. He was uninsured and was not to be behind the wheel of a vehicle. I am assuming he had a suspended drivers licence. No damages have been recovered due to him not having any insurance. We will have to go to court to sue for damages. Wish us luck and hopefully Jas can at least get another vehicle out of it or at least some money towards one. This was an aweful accident, major injuries could of accurred. We are very thankful there were no major injuries. Someone was watching out that day and I could never be more thankful!!
