Smile4me-4ever...
LiveWell, Love Much, Laugh Often and Smile 4 ever
Christopher Michael Born January 14, 1991
"Biology is the least of what makes someone a mother"
Chris and I met a few weeks after Duane and I met. Duane had moved in to my home and our visits with his children were every other weekend. I can honestly say, I bonded with Zach and Katie immediately. Chris was 10 yrs old when I met him. He was struggling with his father being out of the home and so far away. He was angry and I think very scared. Weekends were about spending time with his Dad. I tried to bond with Chris but it wasn't happening. He kept to himself. I wanted to get through to him, I wasn't a threat, I wasn't out to hurt him. He was struggling inside and the pain was very clear. It broke my heart and made me angry with myself because I didn't know how to show this kid I wasn't here to replace his mother, just wanted to be a part of his life. We struggled for a very long time. When we got the news he wanted to come live with his Dad, there was not a second that I needed to decide, my home was his home. He belonged with his Dad and I would do whatever it took to make this happen. So, Chris came to live with us. I was scared to death. How was this going to work. We really weren't even at the point of liking eachother yet LOL I did it for his Dad, I would deal with our relationship in time. Eventually it had to get better right? LOL Yes, it did but it was a very long road. I guess I was put through the test like Duane was put through the test with Jason. When you fall in love with someone you have to accept all the baggage that comes along with the person you fell in love with, and for Duane and I, baggage was very heavy LOL
"It is not how much you do,
but how much love you put in the doing."
After Chris moved in with us, he explained that things back at home weren't good. Bad things were happening to him and to his siblings. Mom had made some very bad choices. Putting Chris into a very bad situation. He took on the role of father at home regarding his siblings. Chris took care of them, made sure they had baths, helped them with their homework, cooked meals for them. He was the grown up, and now that he had come to our home, he felt like he left them behind and bad things were going to happen to them. We didn't know when we agreed to take Chris that the reason was, he had turned his mother into protective services. She found out about it and knowing the things she was doing were bad, she called and said Chris needed to live with us. It was our opportunity to raise him, so we didn't hesitate. After hearing all that Chris had described and his side of the story, we realized there was big problems in that home. We fought with the state, trying to get these kids help. Over a year of fighting with them, trying to show them what was going on, we just couldn't fight anymore. It became to painful to Chris and to Duane. This battle took a huge toll on Chris. We put him in therapy and he did wonderful. He was dealing with so much guilt for leaving them behind. We did the unthinkable, we walked away. Hoping that one day we will have another chance. Chris hasn't seen his brother and sister in years. I am sure they are a thought in his head all the time, but he was going backwards and Duane was having some serious health problems because we were turned away and called liars, noone believed us. It was the only choice we could make for the good of the family that we did have, a family we were holding together. We had to walk away and focus on Chris and not losing him. You always second guess if you made the right decision. I know in my heart we did, and it's very clear when I look at who Chris has become and where he was headed before all of it.
It is time to break through the barriers that have held you back
and held you down for such a long time.
It is time to reach out and etch your place in history.
Chris has always struggled in school. He had been placed in 'special education' classes when he was young. Hoping to get the extra help he needed to succeed. However, I believe it was a lack of help from home. Duane was an alcoholic for most of Chris's life and I don't believe he had the help from his Mom that he deserved. Chris, struggled when he moved here and had to change schools and make new friends. He had alot of abstacles to overcome. We supported him and pushed him to strive for better. Chris learned to control his emotions and began to learn how to handle his frustrations. In doing so, he also learned how much better things turned out for him. Chris had to struggle with who he was and where he fit in. The only family he had left in his life was his father and his father's girlfriends family. He didn't know rather to embrace it or fear it. Chris learned that people come and go out of your life and sometimes you have no control in the outcome. Through his struggles I think Chris became confident in who he was and happy with who he was, but the guilt of succeeding scared him because of the loss of his brother and sister. Guilty to feel happy with his life. His confidence started to shine more and more each day. Sometimes taking a step back a time or two. Testing those of us that loved him. He eventually started doing better in school and his teachers fell in love with his effort and drive to be better. They seen the growth that we were seeing at home and I think that helped motivate him to strive for more. Chris eventually moved up and as a junior in high school has all regular education classes. He has played football and has made some wonderful friends. He has come along way and I know in my heart he is so proud of himself. I know we are very proud of him as well. He truly is a different person then he was when I first met him. He has accepted me as his and has accepted my family as his too. I am so grateful to be a part of his life. To know, I took part in helping him become someone he can be proud of. Chris has hopes and dreams and strived each and everyday to be a better person. He has succeeded!!
“Children are the anchors that hold a mother to life.”
Chris is a truly great hearted kid. He has a great sense of humor. He is always the first to hold out a helping hand. He is very respected as a person. He has made great friends. He absolutely loves playing football. This year, he chose not to play. This decision was because of the coach at the school. Several players didn't play this year because of the same reason. Chris was not a 'top' player. He was very good but not what they called 'star player'. He strived to be as good as he can be, however, you have star players that no matter what they are out there on the field. The year he did play, the star players missed practices and still got to play. Drug tests were given and the star players didn't have to take them. Chris also knew some of the star players were pot smokers, so this really upset him. He has been taught that rules were for everyone and to see the special treatment these kids had were very frustrating. Had those star players been taken off the team or out of a game because of not showing up to practice. Chris would of had more of an opportunity to show his skills. So, come the next year. He was given papers of when practice started, etc. He shows up for practice and everyone has their gear. Chris was hollered at because he missed that and he was late for practice. Apparently they changed the schedule over the summer and Chris was never notified. So, Duane went to the school had a talk with the coach and the decision was made that he wasn't going to play. I don't think he regrets his choice, however, I do know he wishes the circumstances weren't the way they were to have had to make the choice to leave the team.
Ability is what you're capable of doing.
Motivation determines what you do.
Attitude determines how well you do it.
Chris has taken up a liking to woodworking. He has made some beautiful items. He made a bench for us, a chair for my Mom, bird houses, etc. He is very good at what he does. He hopes to go into construction trade when he graduates. He is in a vocational class called construction traits. They learn a little bit about all dimensions of building and constructing a home. I hope he follows his dream, because he truly is good at what he has done. He is a very hard worker, so I feel he will do just fine. If it isn't what he wants to do, I hope he follows his heart and gets into something he will enjoy! I think he will be successful if he stays focused and doesn't get frustrated. Construction can be a brutal job and a place where frustrations can easily be an issue.
It's not the situation,.
but whether we react (negative) or respond (positive) to the situation that's important.
One of my most memorable things about Chris is his relationship and love for my Dad. Chris and my Dad became very close. Chris opened up to him. Not at first, I really never thought he would like my Dad or my Dad would ever like Chris. There relationship was not good at first. Chris made my Dad mad as often as he could and my Dad seemed to piss Chris off all the time. LOL I can laugh at it now, but through persistance, they formed an understanding. My Dad had both the boys all summer because Duane and I worked, so there was no choice, they had to deal with one another. Thank God for that!! Eventually, my Dad became someone Chris trusted. Someone Chris could talk to and my Dad would give him advice, etc. They had some great heart to heart talks, and Chris would just go over and sit with my Dad and talk. He became someone very important to Chris. It was a blessing, he needed someone he could trust. He needed a good grampa image. His previous grampa was definetly not a good role model. Anyways, there relationship was known to all. He and my Dad had a closeness not even Jason and my Dad shared. When you went to Mom n Dad's, "Pa'' was all that mattered. Chris worried about my Dad so much, my Dad was had health problems. So he didn't always feel good. Chris made sure when he was there he picked up things for my Dad and helped him with things he knew "Pa" took care of and would make sure if he needed anything he was there to do that for him. When my Dad passed away, Chris took it harder then any of us. I had alot of years with my Dad. Not as many as I wanted but Chris and Dad had very little time together. They had future plans. Dad as hard as it would of been for him, was going to get to Chris's game when he played. He never got that chance and Chris felt it when he put on that football uniform. Chris lost his friend, someone he could call his, it was a huge loss for him and I know still is today. Chris has gone through alot in his life and the loss of my Dad was huge for him. I knew Chris and my Dad finally bonded, but until my Dad's passing did I realize the extent of it. A week before he passed, my Dad was in the hospital, and he was so worried about Chris. How he was handling him being in the hospital. To us, we were used to hospital stays, this time was different. He made sure we understood how worried he was about Chris and to tell him not to worry about him. Looking back now, you wonder if he knew he wasn't going to make it. Chris meant alot to my Dad. I think Chris reminded my Dad of himself at a younger age. They had something very special. My Dad was an amazing man, I am so thankful that Chris got to see that side of him. I have told Chris before, it makes me happy in a sense to know the pain you feel when you think about Pa. It's because I know he truly loved my Dad and he got to know what a special person he will always be in our hearts! It was like a gift for me to see his love for my Dad. I hope he keeps my Dad with him the rest of his life, because I know my father is watching him. He knows when Chris is doing good and he smiles. He also knows when Chris needs him, the time he had with my Dad, Chris should know what advice my Dad would give him. He needs to lean on him whenever he needs him, like I do, his love is an amazing gift to cherish the rest of your living days! I am so glad Chris gave my Dad a chance, thought positive, and hope he takes a piece of my Dad with him always.
A mother loves her children even when they may least deserve to be loved.
So through all of the good times and bad Chris and I have shared. I believe we are in a better place together. He will forever be a part of my life, he and I really have alot in common. Through the years I think we have realized that and it has helped us and has also made us fight LOL We have had many ups and downs, but no matter what, he is family to me. I will fight with him and for him, whatever it takes. He is a part of me. I have invested alot into this child. He has a place in my heart and my life. I hope to always share our lives together. I want life to be wonderful for Chris. I want him to be happy and I believe he will. I will always be there for him whenever he needs me to be. Chris and I have had many heart to heart talks, not always great talks, but we spoke our minds. I think we finally understand eachother and I hope he truly understands how much I care about him. Life for us has gotten so much better. It is so hard to be put into a situation and have to learn someone's behaviours, habits, querks, all that you have to learn about someone and make it work. Chris and I have done a wonderful job. I am his mother rather he likes it or not LOL I know he does love me I don't question that, but a mother's job is to love and support in good times and bad. It's my job to tell him what he's doing wrong and to guide him into making the right decisions. I know Chris has learned alot from me and I know Chris has seen the love his Dad and I share, I will continue to teach him for the rest of his life as if I birthed him myself. I love him, that's my job! He don't have to always like me and I don't always have to like him. Does anyone ever like someone all the time? No way!! LOL! Anyways, your stuck with me kiddo! I love you!
