Smile4me-4ever...

Maria August 29, 1979

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A friend accepts us as we are yet helps us to be what we should.

I call Maria, my best friend. She has been a wonderful friend to me. She is always there to listen if I need to vent, cry or just need someone to tell me get over it. I have always been able to be completely honest with Maria and never have to worry that she will take what I said wrong. She knows me and knows how I feel about many things. I feel there is nothing I couldn't share with Maria that she wouldn't accept. I hope she feels the same way about me, that she can tell me anything. I don't have to agree with you to be your friend. Sometimes, the best of friends are the ones who don't always agree with you and aren't afraid to tell you, your wrong. Maria and I have had some deep conversations. I truly respect Maria and trust her with my life.

Yesterday brought the beginning,

tomorrow brings the end,

and somewhere in the middle we became the best of friends.

Maria and I haven't always been friends. We met in 2001, when I met Duane, her husband is Duane's cousin. The first time I met her, I wasn't sure if we would get along, I was nervous about meeting her. Duane not having much family nor people he hung out with, it was important to me that I was able to get along with them both so Duane would have someone in his life to share with me. Duane didn't know Maria very long before her and I met, so he couldn't really give me the heads up on who she was as a person. I learn people in my own way and hoped her and I could find something to build on. We didn't have to be best friends, but I needed to be able to hang out, so that Duane and Tommy's relationship could continue to grow. We met and I didn't for one second feel uncomfortable around her. She was pretty easy to get along with but we were hanging out at her work. Which at the time was Priscilla's Adult Store. *Ha Ha* Yes, it was so much fun and that helped break the ice a bit, because we spent alot of time just playing around and laughing. So after our visit, I was certain Maria and I would be okay to hang out. Never did I expect to be this close to her. Never in a million years LOL
The next time Maria and I met up, was when they were moving out of a friends house into there own. Maria and I had a pretty long drive, Duane and Tom road together, Maria and I started talking. Immediately it was pretty intense conversation. I wasn't worried about what could be said, although Maria did know Duane's ex, I was comfortable with her. Our conversation never stopped the whole time we traveled down the road. We got into a conversation that I will not go into, she knows what I'm talking about, it was pretty intense. I still felt very comfortable about what she was saying, not once did I feel she was trying to start problems. She truly was just getting to know me and explaining some 'history' she had shared with Duane and his ex. I knew what she was saying and Duane and I had discussed some of it, but never in detail. I was left feeling thankful that Maria brought it up but needed to address things with Duane to clarify. She told me the truth, didn't exagerate to make herself look better or get a response out of me. That was a huge pt for her in my book LOL That was the day I think I realized that Maria and I could possibly become great friends. Most women who are meeting the 'other' woman aren't always so open or honest, usually find a way to dig or give more information then necessary to see how I would react. Maria didn't do that, she just wanted to make sure I was aware of the history. That truly meant alot to me. From that day forward, our friendship has grown into a beautiful relationship. The conversation we had that day would of definetely ended friendship in some people but for her and I, it may of beeen what bonded us together. It meant alot to me that she wasn't afraid to bring up such a touchy conversation. It gave me alot of trust in her and it built from that day forward!!

A true friend reaches for your hand and touches your heart.

Maria is a great person to talk to, we have spent hours talking, mostly about ourselves and who we are as people. Getting to know Maria was a bit of a challenge. She didn't always open her feelings up. I am a question asker, to me it's how you truly learn about a person. Why did you feel that way, what made you make that decision, etc. Just me, how I weed out the bad and hang on to the good people in my life. I have been hurt by many people throughout my life and been disappointed in people alot, so it's my way of protecting myself. I don't want to judge or fill in the blanks, you tell me who you are, and you will by answering my questions. I found when Maria told a story I wanted to know how she was feeling during her story she told, it gave me a better insite of who she is and how she thinks. I do not always agree with her, but I understand, why she feels the way she does. One of the first things that made me realize Maria was a good person was how she spoke to me about someone we both knew, she had been hurt by her and was worried I would be too. How she told her stories to me about this person I was calling friend at the time, was in a way to protect my feelings but to make me understand why she no longer called her friend. Maybe I don't really know how to explain what I am trying to say, but I think she will understand, she never told me who I could like, but always tried to protect me because inevidably she knew I too was going to be hurt by this woman. I was, big time, to this day I still hurt when I think about how right she truly was, but I have to form my own opinions and if that means being hurt then at least I know first hand. So I thank her for how she handled that situation, it truly was one of the first reason's I loved her.

True friendship comes when silence between two people is comfortable.

Maria and I get together almost every weekend, we talk on a regular basis, but she is always on my mind. No matter what we do, she is there with me, if only in thought. I guess it's because she has such a hold on my heart that I want her to be a part of my daily life, even if she don't know it LOL I know I am a part of her day too. Just the kind of friendship we have together. Maria and I's favorite thing to do together is watch movies. Seems we watch movies the same way and watching a movie with her is very enjoying. We usually watch the movies our husbands would totally ruin for us because they are 'girly' movies. We love emotional movies, movies that make you feel like you are one of the characters in the movie. I think we watch movies the same, we truly get into the movie. I can sit there and watch a movie with Maria and not say a word and when the credits role at the end. I feel wonderful, like that was the best 2 hours I have had in a very long time LOL It's a wonderful feeling to say nothing and yet know you both truly feel wonderful. Just sharing a day with Maria, no matter what we do, I smile and feel great. When I don't see her every weekend, I truly feel like my weekend missed something crucial, even if I was busy as hell, it's still not the same. I know she feels the same way.

A loyal friend laughs at your jokes when they're not so good,

and sympathizes with your problems when they're not so bad.

Maria and I share many laughs together. It's one of my favorite things about her. Her laugh is contagious. She has a unique laugh, it's loud but it makes you laugh. It's a full belly laugh. I don't know how many times we have started laughing and haven't been able to stop. Our fat lil faces hurting, our tummies hurting and the only thing that makes us get serious real quick is because literally we are about to pee our pants LOL There is no other sound quite like it, but if I am laughing without her, I am missing her. A comedy movie is not the same if I am not watching it with her. I am not the only one to have commented on that one, Duane and the kids have too. When her and I are together, there is always laughter, how much better can it be to laugh with your friend. It's wonderful and something I have grown to need in my life.

A friend is one of the nicest things you can have,

and one of the best things you can be.

A friend can tell you things you don't want to tell yourself.

Maria and I have connected in a way I have never connected with another woman in my life. We have had some serious heart to heart talks and there were many times sharing my saturday night with her, that I would just sit and smile. Thinking to myself as she spoke. God I just truly love this woman. She makes me feel wonderful when I am with her, wonderful when I am not with her. She brings out a part of me I like. I never pretend with Maria and I don't think she pretends with me. My good comes out and my bad comes out, it's all the same with her, she accepts me totally and loves me just the same. There has been times were I truly thought, I could live with her the rest of my life and truly be content. She satisfy's me emotionally. There is a connection between us that I just can't explain, other then to say, I love her. She may make me nutso sometimes, but I truly with all my heart love her. She is beautiful to me. Her and I don't always see eye to eye on things but we know that doesn't effect what we mean to eachother. If that makes sense. We have shared things I never thought possible to share with another woman, I have never had to many close 'girl' friends. Never felt a closeness with another girl like I do with Maria, most of my friends throughout my life have been men. Girls just seem to always be competing or backstabbing in some senses. Maybe those aren't the right words but what I am saying is that Maria and I truly are friends, through good and bad, happy and sad, we got eachother's backs. If our marriages would end, I know Maria and I would find a way to continue to be friends. I just wish she lived closer to me!! One day I hope that will be the case!

The best kind of friend is the one you could sit on a porch with,

never saying a word,

and walk away feeling like that was the best conversation you've had.

Maria and I have a closeness you don't share with most people who become friends. You have different kind of friends. I think each friend fills a spot in you that is important. Maria fills everything I need in another human being. She is the rock I hold on to when I fear I may drown, she is the support I need when I feel it's all falling apart. She is always there with me to help me through a situation. Rather she is really there or not, I can count on her words to help me. I think we count on eachother for things we can't count on others to help us through. We are honest with eachother, sometimes so honest it hurts, however we each know it's said out of love we have for eachother. I am so grateful to have a friend like Maria, who will tell me the truth rather I want to hear it or not. I need to hear it. I think we push eachother to be the person we need them to be. I think we give eachother the confidence to do things that we may of felt impossible to do alone. That is huge for me. I am a very sharing person but to know no matter what your feeling or thinking, you have a friend who will understand and not judge you for being wrong but will advise you how to be right. We have both been through alot in our lives and I know in my heart that had I not had her there, things in my life may not be quite the way they are today. I feel, the same goes for her in her life. We bring out the best in eachother when neither of us thought possible. I know my life would not be as happy of a place without her in my life.
Maria is a very good mother. She is raising 2 children she did not birth. She has been a part of Madison and Tara's life for most of there lives but did not birth them. She has done the best job she knows how to, her girls do wonderfully in school, they are very smart kids. Sometimes she is hard on them, but she has her reasons. I don't always agree with everything but I know it's done because she loves them and thinks it's best for them. I give my opinions and she always listens, not always agreeing either, but she knows it was out of love too. So it's all good. I give her so much credit for taking on the task that she has because of her love for Tom and those kids. She truly loves those kids as if she did birth them. She makes sacrifices for them all the time and I think its a wonderful thing. The girls are very lucky to have her guidance and love. I think they are and I hope they will see as I did with my Mom down the road, just why she did the things she does. I am proud of her for hanging tough and never giving up. She is a very strong person on the outside, but I know her heart and it's not always as strong as wants people to think it is.

Yes we are 'friends' and I do like to pass the day with you

in serious and inconsequential chatter.

I wouldn't mind washing up beside you, dusting beside you, .

reading the back half of the paper while you read the front.

We are friends and I would miss you, do miss you and think of you very often.

I don't want to lose this happy space where I have found someone

who is smart and easy and doesn't bother to check her calander when we arrange to meet.

I want more then anything for happiness in Maria's life. I know I have a way of making her smile. Did I say she has a beautiful smile? She does, her face lights up when she smiles and it makes me happy too. Maria has had many hurts in her life. She didn't grow up in a picture perfect world. She had struggles growing up that have helped form who she is today. My heart goes out to her. Her father was/is still an alcoholic. She has been seperated from members of her family due to his alcohol abuse. She struggles with this issue each and everyday in some ways. She is a strong woman and has made the hardest decision in the world to not allow her father to be a part of her life or her children's life because he is not a good person because of his drinking. He made his choice to continue to drink even knowing how she truly feels. That is his choice, and her choice is to not allow that to effect her life any longer and not to have her children have to endure the things she did as a child. I am so proud of her for making that decision. Some may not agree, but as parents we are to do what we have to, to protect our children. It's called Love, and when you love someone you must protect them, even if it's from a member of your family. No reason to bring him into there lives just to watch him hurt them like she was hurt as a child. She makes sure the people in her children's lives are worthy of being there. I think that is huge, it's how I live my life everyday. If your a part of my life, it's because you deserve to be. I don't allow bad people to consume my life and I do not allow people who hurt people to be a part of my life. I know Maria struggles with her father's alcohol but I think she is in a much better place. We all struggle with things in life, I know we can get through anything together. We are complete opposites in many ways, but the one thing we do share is the ability to want what is best for our friend and we both strive to make sure that is what happens. I can't imagine how that would feel to have an alcoholic father, I sympathize but I don't truly know how it feels, but I can feel what she feels because she allows me to see deep inside of her, and I can feel the pain. I can listen, I can feel and I can give my advice, but I can't change what is, but I will do whatever I can to help her through the pain. That's what you do when you love someone. I love her very much!!

If you're alone, I'll be your shadow.

If you want to cry, I'll be your shoulder.

If you want a hug, I'll be your pillow.

If you need to be happy, I'll be your smile.

But anytime you need a friend, I'll just be me.

When I think of the love I have for Maria, it's hard to describe. I guess at one point in time, I fell in love with her. I can remember having our talks and listening to her talk and feeling her emotion in her stories. I remember feeling this deep connection to her. As if, she truly was a part of me. I remember smiling and thinking, I totally just fell in love with a chick LOL Weird feeling for me. I know I love her, but to honestly say you felt like you fell in love with this person was truly a weird feeling for me. Scared me a lil bit, then I realized you can truly fall in love with anyone or anything. It's the connection between 2 hearts. I don't fear being around Maria, I look forward to it. I have to have 'My Maria' time in order to feel complete. May sound a bit obsessive and maybe it is, but when you have someone who makes you feel so good, how can that ever be a bad thing? I can't imagine my life without her. I miss the times I didn't know her and wonder how differently my life may of been had we met along time ago. I know now, my life is better because she is a part of it. I don't think there is anything I couldn't do if I knew she was beside me. I hope everyone has a friend in there life like I have in Maria. I feel for those who may of never had this closeness with anyone. It's a rare thing for me, to feel this close to another person let alone another woman. Other then my Sister or my Mom. Honestly, it did make me realize how women can truly be partners. I believe that Maria and I, if we lived together would be very happy together. I would miss what a man could give me, but other then that, I think we have it all LOL We are just good people together!!!