Smile4me-4ever...

"My Anniversary"

My 1 year anniversary as Mrs. Stahl. When I think back upon the year, I can say one thing. WoW! Where did the time go, when I think of my time with Duane. I feel like I have known him a lifetime. We met in 2001. We remember that because we met just a few weeks after Dale Earnhardt died. LOL We can never remember how long we have been together and that is always how we remember it. So, it's been 6yrs 7 months LOL Really feels like a lifetime, until I think about all the years I didn't have him. The years I faked a smile and the years I was so unhappy I forgot who I was and became someone noone could love. Then I think of what a loss it would of been to not have had those years. Maybe I wouldn't be so happy now, maybe I wouldn't have appreciated the things I do now. I would never of had Jason and that I could never imagine changing. So things happen for a reason and so therefore I guess I am thankful for those years I feel I lost. I didn't have the confidence I have now but I didn't have a partner that made me confident. I have that now, I have someone who boosts my confidence every chance he has and I know it comes from his heart. It comes for the love he has for me and the most important thing to him, is to see me smile and know I am happy. Rare find or are we just made for eachother? I don't know, but after a year of being married and 5 years of living together, I am still very happy, very confident and very much in love. We didn't date, we met and moved in together within 3 weeks of knowing eachother. We combined 2 broken families together. We lost a couple on the way, but what we were able to hold on to has grown to be very close. I couldn't ask for anything more in my life. I am happy and what else could you possibly need other then that? I can't think of anything my relationship lacks. Duane has the ability to make me smile always all he has to do is smile at me. He flashes his smile and his eyes light up like the fourth of july, my heart skips a beat, butterflies in my tummy and the smile is inevidable. A feeling I have never had with any other man in my life. Something I only dreamed possible. I was worried it would fade but really it hasn't, I am just happier then I could of ever imagined. I am a love story lover. Hoped and dreamed through every love story I have ever watched. Now I watch a love story and know exactly how there love feels. I don't hope and dream anymore. I live it on a regular basis. Not everyday do I have a love story but I bet 80% of the time I do and that's good enough for me LOL I have high expectations since my divorce. I need to live like this and if it isn't there I am not afraid to move on. I have 1 life to live and by God I am going to live it happy. I understand hard times and I understand up's and down's in life. I guess I feel I wasted many years holding out for something to change, or someone to change. I won't live that way again. I am confident in myself and I know I can make someone happy and I feel I do a good job as a partner. I guess I just expect the same. If you love someone, you should see it everyday, you shouldn't have to guess or wonder. It is what it is and if it's true, it will be visible everyday. Duane shows his love for me each and everyday. It's small things that mean the most. I see them and I feel them. I never have to guess how much he loves me, it's visible each time I look into his eyes. I know he feels the same way. We get along very well and we talk about everything. No secrets here, we share our lives and feelings on a daily basis. When our lives get busy and our time together is less then normal, we feel it. I had a horribly busy week and usually only work 5 days and get 2 days off. This past week I put 10 days straight. Laugh if you must but when your used to one thing and it changes, yikes. I got home late and our time together was very slim and we missed one another terribly. It was kinda funny. You see one another everyday, you go to bed together and wake together, how can you miss that person so much. I think what it was, we both missed the hours of sharing our day together and just having our "quiet time" I don't mean sex, I mean just intimate communication. Heart to heart talks. But while were on the subject of sex. Omg! Sums it up. If you average our sex life since we met. You would average it at 4-5 times a week. Maybe to some thats not shit, but I used to be a 4-5 times a month girl and frankly at times, that was to much. When I turned 30 my life changed in more ways then one! Then Duane came along. They used to call him hippity hop! He's been around let's say that. Which was good, cuz I had not and was ready to take on a man who had LOL I never felt confident enough before to try anything really nor was I with someone who made me feel very attractive. Duane is very attracted to me and I can see it in his eyes and I can feel it in his body when we are together. I have done things with Duane then I would never of even discussed. So OMG! is the only thing I can say more about that. The rest would be X Rated. LOL Anyways, my one year anniversary was wonderful. We went to Applebees for dinner with the kids. We all had a good time. It was late when we got home so the boys got ready for quiet time and so did Duane and I. We chilled out together for the night and relived our wedding night LOL So 1 year later and I am still as happy as I hoped to be. Yipeeee!! Life is Good!