Smile4me-4ever...

to afraid someone might take you away from me!"

This is Duane, he is the love of my life! Duane and I met back in 2001. We met on yahoo chat. Yes another story of Internet Love. I have met several people on the internet, not all working out the way I would have liked them to but Duane was different. I talked to him only a few times online. We didn't chat much, cuz Duanes didn't type very well. Thank God for the telephone and alot of phone cards. We talked daily for a couple weeks on the phone before we first met. Our phone conversations were wonderful. We talked for hours about life and where we been and where we want to go. We had so much in common when it came to our wants and needs, our desires and what makes us happy. We had both been married before, well he was currently married at the time we met. Yes I know, what the hell was I thinking? I was thinking he needed a friend and so did I. Nothing more was to come of this, I wasn't the type of person to date someone who was married. Our phone conversations were strictly friendship talks at first, until we started having feelings. Unexplainable feelings for as short of a time as we talked. We made plans to meet up and the closer that day became the more open we seem to become about our feelings. Our talks were in depth and heartfelt. Duane and I were very different in our lifestyles. He had been through alot and had done things I wouldn't of ever thought about. I was intrieged by him, he fascinated me. After all he had been through in his childhood and adulthood would of made me a very hard person. He wasn't that type at all with me, he is gentle and kind, extremely caring and brutely honest. *haha* He struck me from the start, the things he told me from the very beginning should of scared me off, but what I heard in his voice was so different then the stories he was telling me. I couldn't wait to meet him in person. We set a date for him to come and stay the night. Our plans were to go to dinner, get some movies and veg at my place. He arrived and of course I wasnt ready.

My dog, Kady ( a very protective boxer) greeted him at the door. I went to the door, explained I wasn't yet ready and I would be only a minute or two...I wasn't dressed, hadn't combed out my hair yet, nor had I applied my lipstick or mascara. What was I thinking, leaving him stand out on the deck waiting to come in while I finished getting ready, Kady barking and growling didn't help his feelings. He should of ran for his life, but he waited patiently. My first thought of him, was OMG what have I gotten myself into. He was shorter then I normally dated, he had tattoos, and these big dark sunglasses on that took up most of his face. I then became nervous. He is staying the night, holy shit what am I going to do? I hurried up and got ready not to make him wait much longer. I greeted him once again at the door and this time invited him in. He came in, he was wearing a red flannel shirt, blue jeans and shit kickers. He was a country bumpkin, not what I normally went for. He sat down, tried to pet the dog and she was protecting me. After a few minutes, we started talking and I realized he was everything in person he was on the phone. I was no longer nervous, we talked for a couple hours and then realized we had dinner plans and needed to set out on our date. The thing Duane and I have had from the very beginning is the ability to talk to one another, our communication is our strongest connection. We set out on our night and it was wonderful. We got food and brought it back home along with our movies. I felt like I had known him for a lifetime. We just sat and talked all night long. He came to my home for friendship, but after a short time of him being here I wanted way more then friendship. At one point, he asked if he could get more comfortable, I was cool with that. Boy was I in for a surprise. He stood up, took his shirt and pants off and was sitting in his underpants. OMG! That's getting comfortable. I laughed, not expecting what happen to of happened, I was okay with it and honestly felt good cuz he was that comfortable enough with me to get undressed. At that point, I am thinking, okay your almost naked and yet to kiss me or make a move. It had been expressed most of the evening we were more then friend material. We layed on the couch together for what seemed like hours, me longing to feel his lips, he wasnt makin the move. It was up to me, so as I held his hand, I placed it up towards my mouth and started sucking on his fingers. Men, so predicatable, alas, he leaned and gave me a kiss. That kiss lasted for a very long time and one thing leading to the other, we headed to bed. What a night that was!! We had to say goodbye sunday morning, I prayed to God I would see him again and that he felt the connection that I felt.

We talked the next week on the phone and the following weekend he came for the whole weekend. Saturday night we were just hangin out talking and as he talked I gazed into his eyes and I know I fell in love with him that night. It was the most amazing weekend I have ever had. Everything I needed was right here beside me. I was completely happy and content in his presence. One thing to overcome...his wife! Duane and his wife at the time were over, she had a boyfriend and he now had a girlfriend, it was just the technicalities of gettin divorced. He moved in with me a week or so later. That's when the fun started. Wife apparently wanted best of both worlds, a boyfriend to go out with and a husband to take care of the kids while she did so. When he moved out, things became very bad for them. I had talked to his wife and she was happy he was coming to see me, even sent me pics of him so I knew what he looked like, and then when he tells her he has these feelings for me, the hell began. Was our love going to be strong enough to endure all the triles of going through a divorce and how are our kids going to feel? My son had gone through this just a year or so before that. He was liking being the man of the house, now theres a man moving in. He had his reservations and then to bring 3 kids into the picture too. Not a happy boy was he. Weekend visits with the kids were wonderful in the beginning and then they turned to hell when the EX tried to sabatage all of our hard work. I wont get into all the gory details but it got bad. Many court dates and dealing with Social worker, etc. We got custody of his oldest son Chris. Chris and I bonded the least out of all of Duanes kids, he just didnt open up. I fell in love with his youngest son and his daughter. They were wonderful! So the day comes to get Chris, we took it, I was ready to be his caregiver and make sure he had a good life. I wasnt sure how this was all going to go, but I cannot tell the man I love he cant have his child live with us. Whatever happens we will get through it, worst case scenario, we wont make it, but he will have custody of his son. We lived in a 2 bedroom home, where was he ganna sleep? Would Jason and Chris get along? Well, they did and today they are very close. They call eachother brothers and for the most part get along very well. I am very proud of Duane and myself. We stuck by eachother and them and we all got through it. As for the other kids, things didnt work out with them like we had hoped. Hopefully one day they will understand what has happened and we will be able to have a future. Until then, they are always in our thoughts. After living in our small little home, we finally were able to get ourself a 4 bedroom home. Ahhhh, how nice it is to have space again!  Life has gone very well for us, we dont really have fights, we get along wonderfully. We have our disagreements but usuallly are solved rather quickly. We respect one another for who they are and know that we are different in many ways, so there are misinterpretations along the way. We finally got married November 20, 2006. I have never been happier to be someones wife as I am to be Duane's wife. Since we have gotten married things are even better. I think our kids were happiest that we finally got married, its made a huge difference in them as well.  I feel like I have found that fairy tale ending. That love you only find in the movies, I am thankful each and every day to God for sending him my way or me his way, whichever it may of been. I believe we were meant to meet and there is nothing we cant get through. Our love has been tested many times in lifes stressful ways, but we have made it through each and everyone one of them with nothing more then the love we have for eachother. It has guided us in the right direction each and everytime. I know the love I have found in Duane and the love he has found in me is what love is suppose to feel like. I am so glad, my ex decided to walk out of my life, had he not done that, I would never of found the man of my dreams!!! I am glad that both my boys have found love in us. Jason has become extremely close to Duane and Chris had finally learned to trust me and he and I have gotten very close as well. I am very proud of my boys and I am very proud of Duane and I, we have done what was best for all of us and the smiles on our faces make me know we did exactly what we were suppose to do. Can't wait for more memories and happy times, each day is a new adventure and we do it as a family and it always seems to work out just right!! The boys here signing our marriage licenses. Chris was Duane's best man and Jason was the one who gave me away and walked me down the isle. As I said, just the way it was suppose to be!