Smile4me-4ever...

  I am going away for few days to with my Mom and Sis and a couple Aunt's. I am not sure at this point who all is going. There's been so many changes in our lives lately it's still up in the air.  I know for sure my Mom and my Sis and I are indeed going.  My A. Bobbie  is suppose to go up with us.  Her and Mom leaving on Thursday morning.  Sis and I would be leaving Friday morning.  Mom and A. Bobbie are going to spread U. Rick's ashes up at the farm on Thursday together. My Uncle Rick passed away in his home and we didn't find him for a few days.  Honestly, if it wasn't for the neighbor, he may still be there. My Mom and Aunt didn't see him to often. He didn't share his life with ours, when we did see one another it was work, casino, farm or his motorcycle. He lived his life alone. No children, no girlfriend, not even a boyfriend. He loved his job, loved to go to the farm and loved life. He chose to do it without many people. He dedicated his life to his Mom for many years. He was the only one close to her really, and I am not sure if it was because he wanted to or because he had to. There was problems growing up that noone talked about. My Mom, Aunt and Uncle didn't have a perfect life. I can say my life was very sheltered because of my Mom's love, but I was always loved and my wants and needs always came first in my Mom's life. I still do, I am her daughter and she will always do what I need her to do for me, rather bail my ass out, or tell me what noone else will, but it will always be for my best interest, never hers. My Grandmother was not the same type of woman. I learned years later why she also wasn't a big part of our life. I learned why noone else in that family was close. I also learned how she mothered her children and why things were the way they were growing up. My Mom had 3 step sisters who apparently grew up the same. They all shared the same Mother.  The common denominator. I loved my Gram and parts of me always will. However I have lost so much learning things she has said and done. I don't respect her as a Mother but I loved her for who she was to me. As my Mom puts it, or at least my interpretation of it is, she loved and cared for me the best she knew how, so for that I love her. My Gram didn't live a good childhood at all. Things tend to cycle. I am so thankful that my Mom broke that cycle. She is a Mom to be proud of, and I think she is. I know now why it has been so important to be a good Mom and my appreciation for that has hightened out of this world for that. I only know stories of people who have had to be raised with bad childhoods. Fortunetly for me, I have not had to endure that. I hope my child grows up to say the same about me. Back to my trip, with a lil more insite to how this trip became. It is a yearly thing, the sisters get together for a girls weekend to gamble. This will be my first time ever going. I have saved for this and could not have done that once again, if it weren't for the help of my Mom. Thanks again Mom. So this year, we have the loss of Unlce Rick, so our suppose to be fun for all weekend will bring back some not so good moments. I am so okay with that, intrigued too maybe, there is a part of me that wants to know more. Make the pieces to the puzzle fit a lil better. I figure even when there's sad moments, we are all fun ass people, there will be laughs. That's the stories I have heard. I want to be in those memories and give memories to the previous stories I've heard. So all is good then we have this probate crap we are going through. My uncle dying with no wife or children put it all in my Mom and Aunt's hands. Something you don't want to go through. It's simply to much change in ones life with decisions being forced too quickly that things get tense. My Uncle had already lied in his home for 2 days, decisions had to be made. Benificiary on his policies, his mother who died in 2002. We are now 2007. Who's got a saving's account to bury someone, not any I know. Cost money most don't have. My Aunt don't have it, she just went through a bankruptcy. My Mom don't have it, she lost 1/2 her income when my father died and had to bail my ass out of debt. So gotta go through probate to get to his assets. Thank God for funeral homes trusting Life Ins Co's or we would of been screwed. So this whole situation has gotten tense. We are looking at fall approaching. He has a house to sell and clean out. All my Gram's stuff is piled in the basement, let me remind you 5 years later. He has no furniture up stairs. The house hasn't been touched. Probably 30 bags of beer cans downstairs. The garage, just enough room to pull in his motorcycle and get off. Can't walk around the whole thing, just one side. Tools with inches of rust on them, a old fiesta car, full of shit and oh god it's just a mess. Winter is right around the corner and we have a lot of work to do. What else do you do, just let it go? No that's not an option either. So okay now I think I can get back into the trip. So I am a bit nervous with all that is going on that things aren't ganna be good. I hate thinking that way but sheesh how can ya not. I hope everyone realizes that the only family we have left is honestly the only one we ever had. After Aunt Angie got struck with Cancer. The girls started spending time together. They had alot of fun, something they were never allowed to do around Gram or ya didn't tell her about it if ya did. I remember being told, I am going with Aunt Bobbie, but if Gram B calls, I am over Gramas house or next door.  Okay, whatever LOL So one day they all got to talking and someone said something about growing up. One memory triggered another and they all realized they lived the same life. Mom and Aunt Bobbie realized they did, but never spoke of it. Hearing that the 3 half sisters also went through it and still were going through it with my Gram. So they bonded that day like never before and since that day they have made this yearly trip to get together. I hope for the best and if I have to, I will remind us all again why we are all on this trip together. So I wish us well and I am ready to go. Hope nothing more changes, but worst case scenerio is Sis, Mom and I go away for a fun filled weekend. That's a gimmie and something to bet on.